FAT, just in case you didn’t know.

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One day I was in the office chit-chatting with one of my co-workers. She began to tell me a story in which she had been called fat. I was immediately annoyed.  She explained:

” We were watching a video of me playing my violin. As I was bringing attention to one of my favorite parts, I was interrupted by “you look fat ! “


I CRINGED! As my coworker was bringing attention to her talent someone else had brought attention to her weight. My eyes weld up with tears and the moment she asked “are you ok Shakia?” the tears left my eyes and found a home on my cheeks. I was so upset because not only have I witnessed this co-workers struggle with weight loss, but I can only imagine the impact that 3 lettered, one word had on her self -esteem in that moment. I can imagine wanting to be invisible as everyone’s attention was no longer focused on your talent, but now on your weight.


When a person points out another person’s “flaw” I often wonder what is their purpose? Like what do they expect the person to say? I mean I’m sure that person was fully aware of that “flaw” before it was pointed out to them.  Do they want them to confirm the observation by agreeing? In my co-workers case was she supposed to respond “why yes, I do look fat.” Do they want them to laugh? Or maybe they just want them to feel bad about themselves.


Where is that filter, that empathy, that compassion that we all possess? Or at least I would like to think we all do. Oh, I guess we have lost it all in the right to freedom of speech. I think, we, as a people have become desensitized while exercising our right to freedom of speech.  However, just because you are “free” to say what you please does NOT give you the freedom to diminish someone’s self-esteem.


Do me a favor; better yet do society a favor. The next time you want to share your opinion on how someone’s looks, smells, sounds, feels (taste doesn’t fit lol. At least in my head it doesn’t :/ ) insert a filter, muster up some empathy and  find some compassion. After doing so, it is my hope that the adage “think before you speak” will cut your opinionated thoughts in line and stop them from being spoken.





13 thoughts on “FAT, just in case you didn’t know.

  1. Charmaine Blount says:

    Wonderfully written! Kudos!!!!

  2. Salena says:

    I love this! Yes, we have been desensitized by the fallacy that is “freedom of speech.” May people don’t know the difference in being “real” and being “rude” and that is where a lot of problems lie. I admire you for this site and the blog. Bringing awareness to the issue that is “standardized beauty” is near and dear to my heart. Continue to do what you are doing and remember, “Be Natural, Be Classy, Be you!”

    • admin says:

      YES! Too many people share their rudeness when there is no need to! As long as God continues to use me I will continue on. Thank you for the words of encouragement!

  3. Taneisha Stancil says:

    WOW!!!!! What stood out most to me was what you wrote “As my coworker was bringing attention to her talent someone else had brought attention to her weight. ….. everyone’s attention was no longer focused on your talent, but now on your weight.” Thats something to think about. That you might be a very talented person but because of how you look will determine how great your talent or gift is. It really doesnt make sense, we as a society looks at flaws to determine if the person really has talent instead of looking deep down inside the persons heart, soul and true talent.

    • admin says:

      We know in show biz we hear the terms ” they have the look” or ” they are marketable.” I wonder how many GREATS have been overlooked because they were not marketable! Thanks for commenting!

  4. Nikeya Marie says:

    I totally agree with this review! There are people in the society today that only address others by their appearance. These are flaws that are either praised or pointed at in a negative way. It’s about the character of an individual on the inside not the outside. Fat,skinny,slim whatever the case maybe everyone should be excepted.

    • admin says:

      “Praised or pointed out in a negative way”…Isn’t it funny how an influential artist could take something that is currently seen as a flaw and make it the most beautiful thing just by saying so? We are so influential! Thanks for commenting!

  5. Barbara Green says:

    Awesome topic Shakia! I have been there many times and I’m sure that it will happen again, but I have come to love myself enough, flaws and all, that I can usually let it roll off my back. I say usually because it depends on who says it and how it is said. Everyone needs to learn to use a filter.

  6. Eulysa Artis says:

    Nicely said! I have been there and at times still receive those comments, all I do now is smile and say why thank you!

  7. Sarah says:

    I feel saddened that your coworker was wronged in such a demeaning way. We are unfortunately force fed what an ideal female body image is from an early age. There is so much beauty beyond a person’s physical appearance….

  8. Weldresha "April" Davenport says:

    Hello Ladies,
    This blog is of greatest importance to me because I have struggled with my weight for the majority of my life. It has been to the point where I have actually been told that I did not get a job because of my outward appearance, though I was overly qualified for the position. It is absolutely hurtful and sometimes breath taking to hear such harsh and rude comments. We have to be so careful of what we say to someone because you never know if your comment will push them over the edge and cause them to lose their life.

  9. jessie says:

    Thank you for posting that story, Shakia. It touched me deeply to hear how much she is loved and validated by so many women…who don’t even know her. All of the women on this sight have a true nurturing heart. Thank you.

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